New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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