ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
