I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
