My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
