There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
