Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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