You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Are we still banned from the library?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
