I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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