the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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