She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
