dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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