Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
