great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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