is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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