I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
