Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
