he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
