The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
