I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
