well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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