Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
