he thought i was a dude.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
