Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
