We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm too high and old for this...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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