just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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