this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
