Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
