Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
