i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
