Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize