i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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