i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
