More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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