All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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