the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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