Old men and throwing up are my life now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize