the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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