He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
