Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
