"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
