I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
