I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
