I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
