my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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