If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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