God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
