only if we run a train.
done.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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