I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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