Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
