his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
