booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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