We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
