I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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