the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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