grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
