Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
