I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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