No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
