Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
