WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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