I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
