I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
