Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
