SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
