He is like the real live version of the state fair..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
